I’m a fan of making the implicit explicit in all interactions, but especially at work. One notable category that is usually deeply implicit in working relationships are norms around how we would like to interact with each other. Moreover, over many years of working with others, we usually have a number of insights on how we work best – but these insights are mostly in our heads and rarely shared. People we work with end up reverse engineering them from the interactions they have with us, which is inefficient.

Recently I started making these norms and insights explicit with my team – making it part of the first 1:1 meeting agenda with others. By having these written down I don’t have to worry about forgetting to share something that’s worked for me in the past. It is also a good forcing mechanism to mention things that might be awkward to discuss. Finally, it’s a great list that others can use to hold me accountable to my commitments.

As with everything that is systematic, there is a good (empathetic, timely and context-ful) way to share these insights, and a bad way. If shared well, the benefits of doing so are enormous, especially for people who are reporting to you, who often find themselves unsure how to work with you, or what you see as important, and for whom this ambiguity can be quite stressful.

“How I operate” is a collection of observations around the most effective ways in which I work with others, collected over the years by talking to others and experimenting with different styles. It’s a living and breathing thing but people have found it very helpful to see the “snapshot” to help them calibrate. Everyone will have a different list; here is mine:

• My commitments to you
  • I will aim to give you the context you need to make decisions well
  • I will give you the resources to execute
  • I will not commit you to things - you will decide what to commit to
    • My expectation: Once you commit to something, I will expect you to do whatever it takes to meet your commitment. If you can’t meet your commitment (which shouldn’t be frequent), I will expect you to let me know as early as possible
  • I will commit to deadlines for things you need from me, and will keep my commitments unless (in rare cases) I can’t, at which point I will communicate as early as possible so you can course correct on your end
• My management style
  • I strive to give you agency to achieve your objectives
  • I will probe your plan, and your execution. I will be clear what I’m vetoing, but I use my veto power sparingly. All other comments are for you to incorporate or not
  • I value direct feedback. I will give you feedback in close to real time, mostly by sharing bullets and having a deeper in-person conversation. I give you feedback because I care about you and your growth, and want you to have the data points to continually improve. I will err on the side of providing my perceptions even if I’m not 100% sure that they are accurate. I hope that we will have an open conversation about these perceptions and figure out the truth together
  • I don’t throw people under the bus and I value candor above all. This means that I put a lot of energy into creating an environment where people can tell me things, and I take utmost care to protect their confidentiality. I coach them and encourage to send feedback and resolving issues directly, but if not, I will aim to resolve them, diplomatically
• My communication style
  • I am transparent with my team and don’t dodge questions.
    • My expectation: I expect you to understand nuance, think for yourself and understand that nothing is perfect. I hope that you will see challenges as opportunities for impact
  • I tend to write more rather than less, to ensure you have the context and don’t have to read too much between the lines
  • You can use any medium (email, slack, task management tool, google doc comment) if you need something from me. I look through everything I’m notified of so long as it’s written down somewhere.
  • I may slack you at different times. Unless I’ll specify, I don’t expect you to respond right away

“Norms of Interaction” is a collection of things that you and I collaborate and both agree on. We settle on these during our first few 1:1s. I write them down so we don’t forget. They could include the above operating principles if they are mutually agreed upon (but that is not my expectation). My specific norms vary from person to person but a good representative set is below:

• We are truthful with each other
• We assume positive intent. If any of us feel pinched, we share our perceptions and directly ask to get to the actual intent
• We share our feedback directly with each other, close to real time, so we can understand what isn’t working, openly discuss the causes, and improve ourselves and the team. We share feedback even if we’re not 100% sure that our perception is right and we don’t consider inaccurate perceptions to be a bad thing
• We commit to deadlines that we are comfortable with (we don’t push deadlines on each other), and we keep our commitments. If something comes up, in relatively rare cases, we notify the other as soon as we know that we can’t keep the commitment
• We address rumors by engaging transparently on the substance of the rumor
• We understand the mutual need for flexibility. We may have to take care of something or be unavailable for a reason; but if we have committed to something, we will find the time that works for us in order to meet our commitment, even if it’s late at night or on the weekend.
• We are on time. If we know we are going to be late, we let the other person know so they can plan better